I've never felt that on my birthdays I suddenly have exclusive knowledge privy to only 11-12-13 year olds. I feel taller. Obviously, I haven't actually just sprouted up a couple inches (no matter what my grandmother claims,) but on the day of my birthday, it feels like the theory of gravity has a flaw. However, upon turning fourteen, I sort of thought everything would change. As a kid, when my neighbors and I would play games, I was always fourteen. It seemed like just the right age - not too old to be a dangerous, snappy, eyeliner wearing teenager, but old enough to be able to take care of the myriad of other siblings and animals that my neighbors morphed into. And in a way, my fourteenth year has been a like the games we used to play: a whole lot of keeping my eye on things. From managing school, dance, friends, and family, this year has been a crazy ride. Just like our games, there have been laughter and tears and good days and bad days.
This year at school, I took two honors classes and one AP course. For most of the year, I've been able to handle it just fine. But there are always those couple of weeks where there's an English essay due, the science fair's coming up, and I've got to memorize all of Asia's countries, their locations, and their capitals. What I've learned from weeks like this is that: taking walks is a fabulous way to clear your head, to-do lists are life savers, and there's no shame in crying when it's 10:30 PM and you've stuck your hypothesis onto your science fair poster board lopsided. And next year, in an attempt to not have to deal with the same sort of trauma I dealt with this year, I'm taking two courses online over the summer so I can have early release and more time to do homework and make DIY succulent containers.
Secondly, I've improved at dance. I performed for the first time on pointe, achieved a lead role in Park City Dance Academy's performance of the Nutcracker, and got even closer with my dance class, who were some of my best friends at the beginning of the year anyways. I've gotten better at pointework thanks to different brands of pointe shoes that are way better for my brick-flat feet than others. I've also gained a new respect for soloists, having competed one myself, and learnt that performing alone in a small-ish gym in the middle of a suburban high school in front of less than fifty people is one of the most terrifying things one can do. And probably most substantial of all, I've learned how to put fake eyelashes on myself without glueing my eyes closed.
Everyone always says that the social aspect of high school is truly awful, and it totally can be. But when your PE team scores a goal and gives each other high fives even though you'd never talk to each other if you saw one another in the hall, it's not so bad. I feel like I've found a spot in the hormonal chaos of high school social lives. I'm not the most popular, but people know who I am, and I know who they are, and it feels like I fit.
Lastly, I've realized that I have got to find time to create. It restores me to make things, to build and decorate and paint and just writing this gives me a sort of crazed zeal to go make a tremendous creative mess at this very moment. In those weeks where I had no time to do anything aside from schoolwork, I found myself longing to make anything except more pie charts. It's become very clear to me that I am my first priority, and if I am not happy, or in other words, if I don't have time to create, then something needs to be realigned.
I'd like to thank you for being here and listening to my opinions and ideas and occasional rants. For putting up with me when all I write about is my succulents or virtual fish. Although it's small, you give me a platform to express my ideas and thoughts and dreams. So I'd like to thank you.
Now I'm off to go make something!
Now I'm off to go make something!
P.S. I think I will continue this blog, at least for a bit, so see you soon:)
|This is the first time I tried editing a picture of myself |
and I'm very proud of it